Hair today…

… almost gone tomorrow.

After a recent haircut (cost one cup of tea and an instruction to sweep the kitchen floor of gray hair), I couldn’t help but notice the increasingly thin strip of occasional folicles bridging the span between forehead and crown. Things don’t really improve downwind of that either, with the classic “monks cut” marking itself out between what’s left and that’s heading south.

There’s a race between the hair receeding upwards and the crown expanding outwards. When they meet in the middle, I’ll be left with little option but a combover, a hat or – and I’m giving this some ironic thought – a ponytail. On the upside, I’m properly hirsute in the short, back and sides department and my ear hair is going ballistic.

I did consider re-growing the beard which was a folically irresistible pheromone of gray and ginger. This stubbly fusion of light and dark was once memorably described as “a squirrel attempting to escape through a badger“. Now that’s a look any man in sight of his fortieth birthday should be actively considering.

It is odd tho, along with the aforementioned hairy lobes, whatever I’m losing on the top is taking refuge in my ears and on my back. Maybe I could back comb that and create some kind of sixties quiff. No? You’re probably right.

Still helmet air shall soon be a thing of the past as will shampoo, bad hair days and ever paying for a haircut again. I shall invest instead in factor 30 suncream and a selection of headgear. I always quite fancied a trilby.

Sometimes though, I feel it is only I who understands how to look fashionable. Ponytail, dodgy beard, backcombed body hair and trilby. You may be laughing now but you just wait. It’s the next big trend.

4 thoughts on “Hair today…

  1. NBT

    You should know by now, you don’t go bald, hair sinks. Hair is actually very dense, so as the pull of gravity works its magic touch, the follicles that once rested atop your head are now slightly lower, whereas the follicles from the nape of your neck have migrated down to your shoulders and back and…

    we’ll leave it there shall we?

  2. Market baldness as the new black?

    Alternatively, you could try getting your head electrostatically charged, sprayed with a fine mist of superglue and then dipped in flock.

    The genius of this is that as the flock starts to fall off probably at a rate proportional to hair growth, you can instead of thinking about getting a hair cut concentrate on deciding which colour of flock to go with this month.

    Useful information

    Flocking is the application of fine fibres in an electrostatic field to adhesive coated substrates which gives a dense coverage of fibre and imparts a velvet-like feel and look to the substrate

    The majority of flocking done world-wide uses finely cut natural or synthetic fibres.

    A flocked finish imparts a decorative and/or a functional characteristic to the surface.

    The variety of materials that are applied to the numerous surfaces through different flocking methods create a wide range of end products.

    Flock Coating is an extremely versatile and beneficial process. It can provide draught proofing; it gives excellent noise, vibration and friction reduction, and enhances gliding properties.


  3. Alex

    Well Chris, that sounds a better option than cutting the kids hair and using that 🙂

    Carol finally got a photo of me the other day. Compared to my security pass of 2005, there’s a certain salt’n’pepper (more salt’n’salt really) look on what’s left.

    Still I did get a cracking tan yesterday. Which is why the top of my head is all burnt 😉

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