It’s back. Weird search phrases.

In the second of a very occasional series, I felt I had to share the google funnel which dispatches the unwary, unwilling and just plain odd to the home of the hedgehog. Here’s a few of the choicer searches with my comments in ():

(welcome to the motherlode)
unilateral forced nostril breathing (I looked this up on google. I rather wished I hadn’t)
groundhog deterrents (Gun, surely?)
the close brethren (Woooaaah, nutter alert)
fiction underwear fitter (Something I’ve been hankering after myself)
fitting tow bar to partner (A little harsh but useful if you car breaks down and you need to get the caravan home)

Is it just me that finds this fascinating? Oh, fair enough 🙂

“I don’t like it. It’s too quiet’

Great lines from ‘B’ movies just before the papier mache monster rips the hero’s head off in a totally unconvincing manner. Not much going to get written for a couple of weeks as something’s come up and it’s occupying all my time dealing with it. Maybe I’ll look back on it with amusment. Stranger things have happened.

As Arnie once said “I want to be Governer of California”. Er, no, sorry wrong one “I’ll be back” 😉

Edit: 19th April. I just re-read that and it probably just me being melodramatic. It’s just about stuff that I’m not in control of gettting in front of stuff that I am. Right, that’s cleared that up then 😉

I admit it – I am a hit whore

Musing away, idly drunk on Witches Nipple” (a complex fusion of runway cleaner and battery acid with a huge nose and an under-the-table-finish), I was forced to accept that ˜stuffing the hedgehog’ has become something more than a drunken pastime. That’s not terribly interesting but my attempts to insert rude words into every new post until – let’s say – eternity may be.

To this end, I’ve been spending some quality time in the virtual statistics department. Surrounded by electronic beards and electron toed sandals, I fired up the data miner thingy and immersed myself in this dusty and mostly untrodden bridleway of the wibblyweb.

Continue reading “I admit it – I am a hit whore”

Going, Going…

… Gone.

Half term rapidly approaches and with it some belated parenting responsibilities. So the virtual press of this blog shall lay idle for a week while I re-introduce myself to my kids, and they ask Mummy why Daddy is putting Vodka on his cornflakes. Talk amongst yourselves and, you never know, a week away may increase the quality to drivel ratio of my random ramblings.

Probably appropriate to mention that I don’t have any great hopes of that happening.

In the meantime, two outstanding sites worth checking out

Mil’s which I’d read a couple of years ago but lost the link. A friend kindly sent it to me. That’s proper laugh out loud stuff. Ace.

And for those of us who’ve been invited to participate in some superb Nigerian financial opportunity, I give you which is scambaiting taken to it’s natural conclusion. Again, ace.

Why pickled hedgehog ?

Unbelievably “IWANTMYLIFEBACK.COM” was taken by some ‘get off your butt and start your own business’ website.

Rather than reaching for a beer and abandoning the project stillborn, I asked each of my kids for the first word that came into their head. “Pickled” grinned the 4 year old. “That’s a stupid word” retorted the lofty 6 year old – forehead creased in thought – before on came the mental light bulb and she seriously offered “Hedgehog”

We considered “Hedgehog pickle” but having plumbed the blogsphere to all the depth 10 drunken minutes can offer, there was more than a serious possibility that intensive goodling may drive extreme taxidurmists to the site. Now I’m up for spiking the hit counter as much as the next blogger but small truffling mammals and sticky preservatives is a line that not even I’m prepared to cross.

So “pickled hedgehog” it was and Lord save me from Meta Searches.

Apropo of bugger all, did you know that every three letter domain name has been taken from ‘aaa’ to ‘zzz’. No, really it has. One day I intend to methodically plough through the whole lot to cement or dispell this urban Internet Myth. Just not on my own time, I have all day at work for that kind of thing.