Management Bullshit

This is a fantastically useful website for any of you poor fools who’ve been beached on the sanity barren corporate sandbank. You know who you are – you’re those who’d swapped changing the world for a barely concealed fist of death when confronted by such bollocks as:

However, developing operational and conceptual learning must work within parameters which address the need for strategic decision-making oriented to market growth vectors. ”

/Waves again.

If you can’t beat them (to death) join them.

I’ll wager a small prize for anyone who straight faces three hits in a single meeting. If you get fired, I’ll double the prize; if you get promoted, except violence.

I’m not going to play. The place I work it’d be “to your left a barrel of fish, to your right, a rifle”. Although the next arsehole who feels the urge “to de-risk the event horizon” will be feeling the flat of my hand.

9 thoughts on “Management Bullshit

  1. Stu

    /waves

    that’s ace. I’m not often allowed to go to meetings but next report I write I’ll be there for inspiration.

  2. Alex

    I’ll double your prize Stu if you can intersperse the management BS with something choice from your previous career of persecuting fruit flies and mosquito’s for tenuous reasons of alledged medical science.

  3. Victor

    Fresh from today’s outlook deleted items…. “This new model will be reviewed on a project by project basis dependent on the technology to be implemented, with dedicated in-house resource “doing the doing” for some projects and overseeing the supplier for others.” – I think this means… “depending on what you ask for we might do it”!

  4. Uncanny.

    How did they get the direct link from their server to the outporings of my boss? I’m hoping it’s a rather painful anal probe.

  5. Alex

    Well you may mock but all afternoon, I’ve been considering “formulating survival strategies for the age of discontinuity.”. I’m not exactly sure WHAT the age of discontinuity IS but I’ll sleep sounder now proper time has been expended formulating survival strategies.

    Will it involve dinosaurs do you think?

  6. Andy

    Love it.

    I think I know someone who gets most of what they say in meetings from that site. No names no pack drill.

    Alex – I’ll look forward to your participation in future meetings 🙂

  7. Alex

    Andy. I’m going to b asked to be excused from any more of *those* meetings. I have a note from my mum 🙂

    It is uncanny tho isn’t it!

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