The second part in my odd weekend was visiting the local witch doctor masquerading as a “Massage Therapist and Holistic Healer”. Sounds a bit hokum? Agreed but with a neck full of pain and a pair of twitching shoulder blades, one must cut ones’ cloth appropriately. Even if it’s cheesecloth in a sixties psychedelic style.

I’ve tried Physio on it and all that does is move the pain about. The doctor is convinced it stress related and offered useful medical advice such as “don’t spend all day in front of a computer” which would be fine if “don’t pay the mortgage” was a feasible option.

I used to frequent a massage therapist who having retrained from being a baker has shovel like hands, a frighteningly bald pate and a countenance most resembling Blofelt’s no.1 thug. Nice fella though although I used to leave the session feeling as if I’d paid thirty quid to be worked over by a baseball bat.

This latest incarnation is rather different. Motherly, fiftyish and apologetic for causing me pain and skilled in arts other than massage. We’ve had Reiki (which I honestly believed was a drink and I didn’t begrudge her it after 30 minutes trying to unknot stressed muscles), Indian Scalp Massage (is it just me who worries about that? Indians? Scalps? You know where I’m going with this) and some other treatment that I don’t even pretend to understand.

Has it helped? Well obviously I can type again. Not sure that’s a good thing. The Jury is out on the long term effects but if things don’t improve soon, I’ll be attacking the offending area with a hacksaw.

Anyway beer is medicine isn’t it? Full of natural ingredients. Thought so.