The hedgehog is going off line for a welcome rest while – with my normal meterologically intuitive timing – I shall be getting rained on in the Isle Of Wight. An opportunist punt at a cheap weekend seems to have morphed into four fractious days in a damp caravan marooned with bored children.
The weather forecast is for sun, light winds and visibility of a 100 miles. Sadly that forecast is for Casablanca, whereas our low lying Atlantic island shall be lashed with rain, swept by fierce winds and – if one particularly gloomy report is to be believed – sprinkled with light sleet. In June. Global warming? Bring the melting ice caps to the UK – we’ll freeze ’em up nicely for you.
As you would expect, there was the chance of a spot of bike riding but the prospect of paying twenty quid to follow a few hundred people round the island has paled somewhat. Especially when considered against a backdrop of boring headwinds and squally storms leading to misery, suffering and the inevitable moist unmentionables. Still my ruthless strategy of throwing out the kids clothes so I can add more beer to the luggage should at least dull some of the pain.
And pain is not far away after riding with a ridiculously fit mate of mine last night who was “a bit tired from racing the previous day“. That’s as maybe but only when I stopped talking and started making desperate non verbal “I can’t breathe” chopping motions accompanied by a bluing face and partially collapsed form did he stop. For about 10 seconds. Still great trails though and I can pretend it’s all part of my cunning training plan. Assuming I don’t die first.
For those of you not enjoying the mobile home/happy camper experience, may I recommend the 25th Annual Testicle Festival. You can’t make this stuff up.
So come Tuesday, expect many blurred pictures of rain soaked landscapes and sullen children striking bored poses in the short, but much cherished, silent sulks which follow their inevitable sibling explosions. And there’s “free entertainment on the camp site to cheer Children and Adults” to look forward to. Oh Lordy, I wonder if TestyFest has streaming video.
So bottoms up, wellies on and caps set at a jaunty angle. IoW, here we come – ready or not.