Based on that image, the answer – from right to left – would appear to be “That’ll Go“, “For sure“, “Probably but I’ll watch you first” and “if I hide behind everyone, maybe they’ll forget I’m here”
That’s me rocking the Oasis like definitely maybe vibe because what you can’t see is the bulk of that damp limestone slab plunging at – to my mind at least – a 45 degree incline ending in either an adrenaline or painful crash. Really it’s neither that big or especially clever, but – as anyone engaging in risk based sports will tell you – most of us must navigate a sequence of logic gates before committing*. Or committing to an excellent excuse.
I say most of us, there are others – some represented in that photo – with an apparent disregard for violent forestry assaults on important bones, sinews and organs. Trusting their skills while disregarding risk amplification factors such as dodgy run ins, limited grip and narrowing exists, they confidently about turn, adopt a jaunty carefree expression and just ride the bloody thing.
I am not one of these people. Not on unridden features, and especially ones I’ve chosen not to ride because my cerebral wiring immediately sounds the red alert klaxon** presenting a hyper realistic image of a bent and broken Al front and centre to the minds eye. “Ooh that leg shouldn’t be pointed backwards should it?” and “Is that one of your bloodied teeth lying next to your spleen?”
So there’s a process to wipe that image form my mind. Carefully calibrated from a range of pertinent metrics including skills required to exit the obstacle in the same shape you entered it, trail conditions with a weighting coefficient skewed to wet and greasy, similar features conquered without extensive hospital treatment, and the ever hard to quantify am I the riding GOAT or stoat today?
Let’s start there, it’s stoat isn’t it? But again some days you’re riding near the top of your ability, whilst others you can barely wrestle the bike in a straight line, so are essentially wobbling about looking for somewhere to have an accident. So if you’re not ‘feeling‘ it, it’s a hard no. Push through that and inevitably the hard ground pushes right back.
And while I kid myself all those other metrics matter, really it’s that top 12 inches splitting the difference between do and do not. Confidence, calmness and commitment will mostly see you through, while another C-Clarity of thought is pretty damn helpful as well. I find myself muttering “I want to ride that, I can definitely ride that, I’m going to ride that‘.***
I also like to give the feature a “nod“. A mark of respect declaiming that while I am in no way underplaying its difficulty, I am good enough to ride it. Then it’s back on the bike – often a little shaky legged – at which point the 3Cs take one look at that obstacle and fuck off at high speed right out the back of my head. Leaving me with nothing more than “well I’m here now, no point dying wondering“.
Mostly it’s fine. Because I can ride this stuff, I have brilliant bikes to get me out of trouble if I don’t attempt anything funky, and enough learned skills, percolated through 25 years of doing shit like this, to trigger the safety autopilot, so seconds later it’s all gone a bit “yeah way easier than it looks“. Often this if followed by a “You still made it look quite hard tho Al“****
Then you look at the video and think “Jeez, all that worrying and overthinking for THAT‘. And yeah, while it looks like nothing, it just doesn’t feel like nothing. Breathe out and move onto the next one with a bit more confidence, a bit more commitment but no more calmness, as that’s been booted out in favour of a smug satisfaction punched by dopamine jabs.
Here’s me making another easy thing look quite hard. To be fair it’s a shit entry, was pretty damp and the side wind wasn’t helping but nothing on that face has any of the 3Cs written across it. Unless one was “Stop riding like a C*** and just bloody well get on with it“. So I did and it felt great.
Zooming out a bit, we’ve had so many brilliant rides since I declared the year “mostly done’ after returning from Molini in early September. Normally the onset of the cold and dark season just makes me sad and grumpy. Meaning every ride clearing that low bar feels like a stolen one. And conditions these last six weeks have seen us tick off loads of new features that were originally firmly scheduled for the Spring 2025 calendar.
Sure they aren’t really that hard. Which doesn’t matter at all. What matters is getting them done in a very much I’m alive “worry/fuck it/exhilaration” / what else would I rather be doing vibe. Some of which must be the creeping knowledge that, at some point, riding bikes will not embrace any kind of risk other than possible heart attacks at cream tea stops.
It should feel like that’s getting closer, but right now it doesn’t. Since age appears to be ignoring me, I’ll ignore it right back instead anxiously standing on the top of some stupid obstacle clearly designed as an ‘organic spleen removal’ tool. At which point I’ll tentatively ask “Are we doing that?”
Yeah, of course we bloody are.
*I refuse to use the expression “dropping in” as I am not 12.
**”Are you sure Sir? We’ll need to change the bulb.” IFKYK 🙂
***Often followed by “I did not ride that”
****Making easy stuff look difficult since 1999 (c) Steve Trust 🙂