You couldn’t hit a barn door with that paint..

…. Oh I wish that were true.

The finish on the barn door superbly captured by the phrase special needs chimp chucking bucketfuls of turd finished by soily trowel” has been returned to virgin wood. A new door would have cost about fifty quid and rewarded such a purchase by providing me with an excuse to burn the old one in a Joan Of Arc Stylee (Recant, Recant your distressed oak finish! No? Right then pass the blowtorch). Instead I spent a sweaty hour doing almost none of it before the sander exploded, then the builder’s mate sandblasted the entire barn with sawdust uses ever increasingly viscious power tools.

I believe this cost me about a thousand pounds but have been too afraid to ask. Will I learn my lesson and not attempt difficult projects such as door painting again? I wish it were so but looking at the violently projectile vomit colour of the floor, I feel the answer may be no. A tip for all those would be DIY’s out there, don’t allow your five year old daughter be the major decision maker in any colour choices. Especially if she’s already owned up to wanting a green, pink and blue striped bedroom.

Still on the upside, the tool wall has arrived. After extensive research that could have been better spent doing almost anything else, I arrived “ via a couple of truly terrifying DIY forums “ at the Park Tool Wall (hobby version “ apparently you can’t hang chainsaws off this one which is fine as I’ll never be allowed one. We love the kids too much). It’s augmented with a couple of rather fetching blue storage cabinets that apparently will simplify your life and provide you with many years of service and enjoyment”

Cynically I feel it may take more than a couple of plastic bins made in a Chinese sweat shop to achieve this harmonic life balance.

The barn is so close to being done, I’m moving in if only to cover surfaces I may feel the irrational urge to decorate.

There may be pictures later this week. If you can just hold your excitement back, that’d be appreciated 😉

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