…Crush Crush Lie and Die*. If I’d spent any time whatsoever in casual analysis during a vigorous hour of Spider rehoming, the sheer volume of gossamer webs could be simply explained by enumorous prey stupid enough to be caught.

These winged spitters and shitters are noticeably more prevalent out here in the boondocks. And after much fencing with the furry loofer of doom – “Ha, take that you bounder” Swish/Swipe/Twirl “I am Zorro and this is my sword“- the border guards were evicted and the flybarians were at the gate.

And soon through it, but only hunting in packs of two. And not the same two as testified by the fly graveyard under my monitor. There must be hundreds waiting desperately outside, “Hey Bill, you gotta get in there, flashing lights, crumbs, whole acres of stuff to shit on, it’s ace” but something is preventing them from entering in a back swarm.

Maybe there’s a Tower Fly directing traffic “Permission to fly in and poo?” / “Negative Ghostrider, the pattern is full“**. Still in the meantime, is there a departure lounge where “Flies like us” or “The Fly that loved me” are playing?

And every time a brace buzz in to visit dead relatives, they come into the orbit of THE DESTROYER OF FLIES, THE SCOURGE OF INSECTS, THE SPLATTERER OF WINGS or – to demyth the object a bit – a rolled up jiffy bag. No not that sort.

I’m confident that through the wonder of natural selection, a few fly generations downstream of those flat-plastered onto my monitor will instinctively know that to enter the kingdom of the splatter is to miss out on all the other buzzing, shitting, spitting and being generally annoying opportunities on offer elsewhere.

And if not, well it’s a quick dance of death as they desperately try to evade the swinging reaper, before the inevitable end as their tiny brain is squeezed out of their arse at high pressure.

Lord of the Flies, That’s me.

* 80’s hit. Lead singer had “Prongy Bow Wave” Haircut second in silliness only to that Gel Advert from a Flock of Seaguls.

** It’s a multi media eighties homage in here today.