This is not a new type of bestiality inspired cigarette, rather a sad tale of suicidal bagers taken from that irreverent electronic daily, The Register:
Reginald Perrin would love it: rail services near Tonbridge, Kent, were yesterday disrupted by “a smoldering badger on the line”, the Daily Mirror reports.
Said disruption was not, however, on the same apocalyptic scale as that commonly caused by the wrong kind of leaves on the line, as watch manager Peter Brown explained: “Somebody had reported an electrical fire on the track at 8.30am. It [the badger] was on fire and every time a train came past it reignited.
“The flames would die down, but when another train passed the wind would cause the fire to start up again. I wasn’t going to have trains stopped because the badger was already dead.
“We just told Network Rail there was a smoldering badger on the line. It didn’t present a further danger.”
A maintenance crew was duly dispatched to remove the fried badger from the tracks. Brown noted: “Thankfully I should think it died very quickly of electrocution, and did not suffer.”
What a shame for the badger’s family; think of the children Mum, mum, can we go and see Dad’s grave? / No but if you’re good, we’ll visit his ashes?
PS
In episode five, series two of The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin, the hero does indeed explain his late arrival at work with: “Twenty-two minutes late, badger ate a junction box at New Malden.”
Did you see this?
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/6077464.stm [NSFB]
I can’t help thinking that someone just got sick of writing letters asking for trains to be kept clean and found an effective way of forcing them too clean the things.
NSFB = Not Safe For Breakfast
An interesting take on “your rail service is full of crap”. Still a man’s got to have a hobby I suppose.
On the toasted badger thing, I’ve decided to install that as my default swear-phrase. Whereas before it’d have been “you’re having a fucking laugh” now I shall fill my pipe, look around the room whistfully and declare “Smoking Badgers, that’s a damn shame”
Women shall flock to my side, riches will pour into my money sock, entire countries shall fall under my thrall, etc, etc,
YMMV 🙂
I’ve worked out why Chilterns Railways are so crap:
Today, on my train out to Chatham (or to give it its full title – Chatham Innit) there was a chappy in a Chilterns Railway polo shirt and overcoat. If the drivers can’t get on the right train, what chance does the rest of their “organisation” stand?
🙂 maybe he was moonlighting. The other day we had the excuse they were short of drivers. Or possibly short drivers. Can’t they get them a cushion or something?