Oh. My. God.

Here is a pictorial testimant to my unshakable belief that new bikes will somehow overcome no talent. After 20 episodes of hiring bikes for a few months (ownership is too strong a word really), it is probably time to challenge this theory.

There’s all sorts in there, full suspension boutique lovelies costing thousands of pounds, crap old singlespeeds, expensive new singlespeeds, many, many hardtails that look almost exactly the same, which is why – I assume – I had three of those AT THE SAME TIME 😉 There’s almost no niche or genre not fully covered here.

I have tried to lay them out in chronological order but it’s been a bit of a battle with the old cerebral compost to try and remember what, when and – most difficult – why. If you click on the images, there’s a best guess. In another doomed attempt to rationalise my insanity, I’ve included pithy comments on the try/buy/discard strategy.

Don’t click further unless you want to see the many good and decent bikes that have briefly bobbed in the raging torrent of fiscal irresponsibility that is my bike buying fervor.

Rode this for nearly two years and then..

Bought a hardtail… then sold the Superlight and

Bought another hardtail (Ti) which I hated so

Bought an old frame while pissed and decided to jump on singlespeed bandwagon but

Felt probably should get a proper one. It’s all gone a bit mad now, bikes flying in every month

Including this Ti Inbred, my third singlespeed and I didn’t like it much either.

So I put gears on the first one and bought the Spot

Which was lovely but, on reflection, lacked the gears I craved.

Back to full suss bikes after a back pummeling Welsh weekend. The ISIS was fine, in a kind of uninteresting, hinged in the middle kind of way.

Chasing more niches, I bought the back half of a road bike with some normal bars. This made alot of people laugh.

Then I sold some of the herd of 80mm travel hardtails and bought the DMR. Which was great. Took it everywhere, did some street riding on it, took it to chicky and then just when I really learned how to ride it – and because I’m an idiot – I sold it.

In between I bought a proper jump bike for no cash. Had lots of fun and falls on this.

Then my back gave up but I didn’t want to so the Stinky had a few months of being launched off things and roundly abused by anyone who rode it.

Then back to little jump bikes again. This one was bent when I got it as was the replacement. So instead

I bought the little DMR trailstar which I still have but not before splashing out oodles of cash for the Turner 5-Spot.

This bike has given me more smiles per pound that any of the others.

Mad, London commuter. Crashed into the side of a car and didn’t even scratch it tho. Damaged the car quite impressively.

Lovely, lovely Cotic soul. Not so lovely accident where I opened my knee and – rather unfairly – never forgave the bike so it had to go.

My local end commuter. Fast, unfussy and fun. Not words I normally use for a road bike.

As opposed to brutal, dangerous and insanely competent. The bike not me that I borrowed off a friend and it got me off the log drop at chicky. After far too long neshing it.

So happy with that, I went out and bought one. I actually put my back out moving it for this photo. It’s not light.

And another hardtail to finish. Spookily like a number I’ve already had and sold. Sums it all up really.

Is there a therapy group I can join?

19 thoughts on “Oh. My. God.

  1. Alex

    Currently so do I. And then I took the SX to some jump spot in Oxford and that was my favourite. And then I made a total arse of myself trying to ride ‘wiv ve kidz’ on the DMR but I loved that too. Then I rode the 5-Spot and realised the huge gap between how good that bike is and how brave I am not.

    Bikes are all good. I should be riding now but I am apparently looking after our kids. Talking about bikes is almost as good!

  2. AndyS

    I’d be disappointed if you didn’t already have a response prepared but that’s 23 isn’t it?

  3. Tim

    That is a lot of bikes. And the Soul is still the nicest looking one of the lot (sacrelige to have sold it! Well at least you still have one Cotic).

  4. Alex

    I stopped counting at 20, it was getting too depressing 😉

    When I had about 6 frames, three built bikes and nothing I wanted to ride, I felt the time was right for some rationalisation.

    I’m not sure I’ve got there yet…

  5. Owen

    I like the look of the soul.

    I am trying desperately not to want one as I could never justify it, but it’s so nice….

  6. nickc

    dare you to get rid of all of them except one, and then keep it for a year.

    Bet you£50 you couldn’t.

  7. Alex

    I bet you£50 I couldn’t either! I like having different bikes to ride. It allows me to be rubbish in a whole manner of interesting ways.

    I do know how much I’ve spent on bikes. It’s quite alot. The Turner is actually owned by my contracting company (it’s my VAT free commuter 🙂 ) and there have been a few bargains in there but even so, it’s – er, alot.

  8. I’m a contractor.. how do I buy bikes tax free?
    Does£5k worth of Willier count as a commuter? More to the point: How can I make£5k worth of Willier count as a commuter?! 😀

  9. Alex

    If you’re VAT registered, you can do it through an accounting rule. Can’t remember which one.Basically I set myself up as a leasing company, bought the bike as an asset and leased it to me as an employee. Then charged 2p (WaHAY!) a mile and my breakfast when I rode into work 🙂

    Jon – I need gears. Well the big ones at the back and the little ones at the front.

    I think Crazy is a bit strong tho. I’m going down the “inspired hobbyiest” myself 😉

  10. Buying new bikes bits is ace.

    Buying new bikes is great.

    Selling bikes is rubbish.

    Selling bike bits is like having teeth extracted.

    Selling cars is the worst thing ever.

  11. Alex

    That race is nonsense. I’m taking a crossbow. And an angle grinder. Otherwise it’d be an opportunity lost. “Racing in a shirt and tie” – fucking metrosexuals.

    With you there Chris. Selling anything on STW (Serial Time Wasters or Soapy Tit Wank, I can never decide) is just a horrible experience until all the children are called up for bed by their parents.

    I’ve given up selling cars. I just hand them over to some shiney suited salesman while being restrained by my wife from punching them in the face.

    I think I need a holiday 😉

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