… but funny. Stole this from SniffPetrol but I will get round to writing something of my own soon.
BRITAIN UNDER SIX INCHES OF TRAVEL CHAOS
Britain was braced for more bleeding obvious advice this week as forecasters warned of another incoming front of TRAVEL CHAOS. This new warning comes only days after the whole country awoke to find a six inch covering of TRAVEL CHAOS had covered much of the British Isles overnight with more flurries of TRAVEL CHAOS over the following 24 hours.
However, whilst a further dusting of TRAVEL CHAOS could be a problem in itself, some experts say the real danger for drivers is of being hit by a sudden shower of sodding patronising advice from motoring organisations. “If this weather continues, drivers need to be extra careful to avoid large patches of fucking obvious advice,” noted Dr Gneil Pipely, Head of Wasting Everyone’s Time Studies at All Saints College, Appleton. “For example, it’s all too easy to be in the car listening to the radio when, next thing you know, you’re being told to avoid any journey that isn’t necessary, and by the time you sense the smugly high minded tone it’s too late to take evasive re-tuning action”.
But facile warnings apparently aimed at people who just drive around in their cars for no reason whatsoever could be only the tip of a very patronising iceberg, Dr Pipely warns. With the expected return of TRAVEL CHAOS motorists should also be on high alert for other blandly useless information such as ‘carry a warm rug in the car’, ‘take a flask of tea with you on every journey’, ‘if the road looks icy, don’t bang the car into first gear and mash the throttle like a mentalist’ and ‘always arrange for a St Bernard to run everywhere after your car just in case you drive into a crevace on the M4’. Motorists are also reminded that a good way to keep warm during TRAVEL CHAOS is to smash the car radio repeatedly with a hand jack until Sally fucking Traffic on Radio 2 just fucking shuts up.
Made me laugh anyway. Although they spelt crevace wrong. I dunno, I may have to write and complain. Talking of which, I’ve had to write Apple a strongly worded note regarding the longevity and robustness of their baby IPOD. Mine lasted almost three months before entering an unwarrantied electronic sulk. Reading between the lines, the reason they do not feel any responsibility to fix it is because “you’ve only gone and used it”
I’m back to my totally beaten up but still working 3 year old MP3 player. And I shall neither be buying Apple products every again or even eating one. That’ll show ’em!