It’s almost enough to make you vote Tory.

Have I taken leave of my senses? Or are the Conservatives handing out suitcases of cash to all impoverished mountain bikers who have recently grown a beard, and can demonstrate double jointed thumbs? Maybe they’re advocating a new transport policy where BMW X5 drivers are all injected with leprosy?

Disappointingly, it’s none of those things, however Tim Love Child? Yeo, representing what the Conservatives amusingly refer to as their liberal, cuddly side, actually made some sense. It’s rare that the S word is associated with the self important, stuffed shirted sound bites that feed off our deluded cravings for democracy, but in this case it’s well earned.

You see, he wants to abolish GMT. Initially I was aghast at yet another historic British institution being abandoned, pensioned off or “ more likely “ sold to the Americans. But no, he’s talking about making the evenings’ lighter at the expense of extending darkness further into the morning. Since we spend far more time awake “ unless you’re a student “ after lunch than before, this is clearly a winner. As a man with something of the night about him?, the prospect of staving off Lygophobia* for a goodly number of planetary rotations gets my vote.

Oh there’ll be some nonsense talked about Scottish farmers having to plant in the dark and children north of Manchester risking almost certain death when walking to school. I refute all these arguments with the simple response that they don’t affect me at all. And tractors now have lights and so do cars, which is precedent since nobody walks to school anymore.

Obviously, it’s never going to happen because it doesn’t fit in with the Government’s stated priorities of invading oil rich countries, introducing a CCTV controlled nanny state and lying.

Actually I’ve changed my mind, I’m not going to vote for any of them “ it just encourages the buggers.

* fear of the dark apparently. I found this and my other interesting phobias here. I discovered I am also suffering from Ombrophobia (fear of being rained on) and probably Xyrophobia (fear of razors) considering my currently hairsuit facial grayness. Now with a hint of ginger “ it’s all I can do to stop kissing myself, so attractive has this made me.

And who could miss the irony of Sesquipedalophobia which is “ wait for it “ a fear of long words.

3 thoughts on “It’s almost enough to make you vote Tory.

  1. Bring it on. In fact.. can we do something about getting the light, that ‘sun’ thing to shine on this country for longer, full stop?

    Hold on. News just in. They’re working on it. Something called Global Warming, with a dash of hole in the ozone layer and carbon emissions.

    I’m sorry, I’m under 30 and don’t vote. What’s all this politkz you’re talking about? Is it going to make this Dinotte I just bought redundant? Damn! 🙂

  2. Alex

    Fear of reading blogs? nomorebullshitherepleaseophobia?

    I wonder if we can swap global warming for global lighting. Light increases 10{45ac9c3234d371044e23e276755ef3a4dde8f1068375defba7d385ca3cd4deb2} per year until it settles at 14 hours a day all year round. Sounds good to me.

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