It had to happen :(

I’ve been in denial about it. Displaced the horror of the situation by pretending that probability theory may be looking the other way. Ignored the signs, or should I say grim portents. But really, deep down I knew that eventually this sad – nay tragic – day would fall upon us.

What can this event be I hear you cry? The Hedgehog Ringmaster losing his vocational status of “grudgingly employed“? Worse, far worse. A plague of genetically modified potatoes rising up from their soily graves and falling, locust like, on innocent people and property? I wish it were so, when compared to the uncleanliness of what I am about to share.

A long time reader, and someone I’ve been proud to call a mate for many years has GONE AND BOUGHT A BROMPTON. Yes dear readers, a man who bestrides the MTB world as cycling colossus -having earned his wheeled spurs riding fast and furious* – has traded it all in for the unworldly wrongness of Lucifer’s folder.

I cannot bring myself to name him. In case whatever infection he has clearly been infected spreads through the power of electrons. But let me just say, that only earlier this year he was chastising us all for not finding places where he could rip downhill on his VP-Free.

And now a Brompton. And probably cycling clips, a beard, hemp clothing and an unhealthy interest in calculating mortgage compound interest. It’s all downhill now** my friend, illicit subscription in “Which Folder“, Titanium Hinge Upgrades, Dynamo’s and the sharing of cheery hellos with others who’ve fallen under the spell of that bastard union between a shopping trolley and a blind welder amped up on crack.

It’s a sad, sad day here at the Hedgehog. I feel like holding a wake. Instead I shall be holding a glass later and toasting my dear departed buddy whose gone over to the “other side” 🙁

* and often upside down and lost in the trees.

** unless you’re on Satan’s Scaffold in which case I’d be inclined to carry it on the grounds it’s safer and quicker.

7 thoughts on “It had to happen :(

  1. Mike Kaliski

    Sadly the secret is finally out, the Brompton with wide range gears or in the ultralight Titanium frame is a match for any MTB on the roads. Only the sadly delapidated state of UK roads prevents the whole country from being overtaken by Brommie hordes. Or perhaps the Brompton wheel swallowing potholes are a deliberate ploy to keep the population in check? All the other comments are unfortunately too close to the truth to be challenged…

    Mike – The other Brompton rider that reads the Hedgeblog.

  2. Oh dear, like those other debilitating afflictions which strike down so many of those closest to us i too fear one day one of my cycling group will fall victim to the folder. The signs will be all too clear-talk of its practical nature, demonstrating how quickly they can fold it and such, I just hope they go quickly and painlessly.

  3. Alex

    I’m smoking ’em out 🙂 It’s like McCarthey in here. Reds under the beds, or Hinges with the Whinges. Mike – it’s not you, but thanks for Sharing !

    Any more? C’mon we’ll run a therapy session “Hi My Name is Mike and it’s been three days since I’ve ‘loved the hinge'”

  4. Bromptons are still the best folding bike design out there in my view. That said I don’t own one and can’t see myself ever commuting on one. Maybe that’s ‘cos I have an intolerance and total hatred for public transport. And while we’re on the subject, WTF is the point of making a Brompton out of Titanium? Isn’t it akin to gold plating a Hackney Carriage?

  5. Alex

    I was in London the other day and I couldn’t help noticing that many new colours seem to have been added. So now I can ride a scaffold tube painted a happy yellow.

    I agree Brompton’s may be the best design of a folder. But that’s a bit like saying “Well I had the option of hacking my head off, but settled for just whittling a few inches off a leg”

  6. Well I’m with you on that 🙂

    There is something bizarrely appealing about having a bike that you can fold up and put between the back to back seats on a train or under your desk when you get to work. Knowing it’s safe near your feet all day rather than potentially being half inched by some sneaky bike thief. So in a way for those whose commute is a mixture of bike plus train/bus/tube and then bike again at the other end, I can see the point of compact folders as opposed to the misery of trying to do the same journey with one (or, as was your case in previous London-based jobs, two) bikes.

    Scaffold tube looks – check. Stupid wheel size (you want a spare tube in what size? – check. Ridiculous manufacturing and business management approach (Brompton sir, certainly, that’ll be a 3 month wait) – check. Surely the daftest thing though is the unlocked rear end where it’s only the rider’s weight keeping the bike ‘together’ and bouncing undampened on a block of rubber. I’ll admit they’re not designed for urban trials, but still, surely some kind of safety catch is needed for that unforeseen eventuality where the bike decides to fold in half.

  7. @Cris B
    ah, but the bike folding under you when braking into a tiny pothole at the red lights is like a stun grenade for the motorists behind you. By the time they recover from the puzzlement the lights have already turned green and you have unfolded and left them like dead ducks.
    If you are a nice person instead, you might want to turn the rubber block, which is now available in a harder rubber, by 180 degrees, so that the rear triangle will not fold unless you pull the little lever by it. Things change even for a conservative British design..

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