I’m taking that lying down.

I must apologise for any reduction in the already poor standard of grammar and spelling. This is entirely due to the content of this post being composed from a position supine on the floor.

I speak to you from this position after an involuntary collapse, following a nasty run in with the quote for the groundworks. It is not as if the work is unbudgeted. However the if you subtract the estimate in the – increasingly financially abstract – spreadsheet from the ginormous number that mugged me earlier, the amount that remains could essentially create the kind of liquidity conditions where Monkeys would be approved loans to buy houses*

At times like this, innovative out of the box thinking is clearly required. I’m considering either faking a gas leak and insisting the gas board dig up the entire plot to a depth of 10 feet to find it**, or using Verbal’s “Science Experiments for Enquiring Minds” set to create some kind of barely controlled explosion.

I’d be looking for a homage to that huge crater in Mexico which triggered the start of the end for the dinosaurs. I asked little Random what it was about the meteor that long term led to their deaths. “Well it would have hurt if it hit their heads” she offered.

Fair point, well made. Anyway, it’s either the teach-yourself-high-explosives or some kind of quick get rich scheme. And although neither look particularly promising right now, I’m pretty sure solutions will magically appear when viewed from the bottom end of a decent red.

It’s Friday, It’s 5pm, It’s crack-a-bottle.

* as opposed to the monkeys who are still trying to sell them.

** A ruse that is unlikely to succeed with no gas pipes being laid within a 2 mile radius of the house.

7 thoughts on “I’m taking that lying down.

  1. Alex

    Hiring a digger not too much. Cost of the resultant damage to house, next doors house and farmers field when it runs amok, proably quite alot 😉

  2. DaveB

    You’ve just reminded me that I’ve had a mental week, am moving on Monday and we haven’t started packing yet. How have I managed to get to 8pm WITHOUT cracking a bottle. I’m off to the Offi

  3. James

    or, and here’s a ruse that may appeal- volunteer to host a sort of management team building event involving JCB’s and shovels. Once we’ve hung the HR rep from the nearest tree we’ll have it sorted by tea time!

  4. Alex

    Dave burn your house. It’s the only solution. Claim the insurance and start again. No way you’re packing in a weekend 😉

    Andy – okay but you have to come down and drive! Because *cough* 8 GRAND *cough* was not quite what I was hoping for!

  5. Alex

    James – hanging is too good for ’em. We’ll let ’em loose in the forest and let the “special gentlemen” go and hunt them down. Reckon we’d get a few quid for that as well. Right I’ll get the shovels, you mail HR 🙂

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