I have the key..

Finally.., originally uploaded by Alex Leigh.

.. which was the first line of a pop song we sang incessantly during a month long Inter-rail tour of Europe. It was a very long time ago and I cannot remember why, although I’m fairly sure strong drink may have been involved.

As it will be again. It seemed odd – and perilously close to stupid – to electronically hand over suitcases of cash to the very people who have spent six months being rubbish. But with that done, all that was left was to be ignored by the seller’s solicitors.

We turned up – en famille – at his door only for him to basically shut it in our face. We weren’t worthy of his attention, so instead he abandoned us in the hallway until a minion removed a pot plant from an occasional table*, and proffered document after document for us to sign.

I didn’t read them. One because I am past caring, but mainly as my attention was focussed on the humourless, fussy bearded, arrogant prick who’d encased himself back into his office. This dogs’ arse had been serially incompetent for month after month, and yet couldn’t even find it in himself to offer even the slightest welcome.

Brusqueness bordering on rude and self importance bordering on a delusional complex. Carol convinced me it wasn’t worth practicing my own brand of law** to reconcile our differences, so I was left with only one option. I tore up his gravel drive using the might Japanese horses of the Honda. It’s wasn’t much, but all I could realistically manage until the hours of darkness.

Tomorrow at 8am, the movers arrive. Since one of my only tactical tasks is to plug us back into the global websphere, I fully expect hedgy to be back on line sometime before September.

I wonder if it’d be okay to sneak off for a ride Sunday? We’ve waited so long for the house, the DIY hell can wait for a bit. Or a competent man dealing in cash transactions. Whichever comes first.

* Very occasional considering how wobbly it was

** Qualifications not required. Stick with a nail it, mandatory.

6 thoughts on “I have the key..

  1. Alex

    And I have created a killing response from the cat should you ever enter unaccompanied. To do this, I have shown it photos of toast racks 🙂

  2. DaveB

    Shut it Leigh, I’ve been on the pies this year and have upgraded the chest/gut to northern dimensions

  3. Jay


    DaveB – a pre dinner nibble for Al’s cat!

    I did wonder how the pie industry is still going now that I’m not eating them… much… 😛

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