Going aerial

A term describing a risky cricketing shot attempting to loft the ball over the fielders to score a boundary. Every time I tried it, it was always well received – normally by the bloke standing at mid-on. That reminds me that I once spent a happy hour describing fielding positions to an American girlfriend assuming she might be even slight interested.

Only once I’d expanded – at some length – on the nuances between Silly Mid On and Cover Point, did I realise she was slumped asleep having knocked herself unconscious with mirth at the stupidity of any game that breaks for lunch. We were at a proper cricket match as well, with the mighty Hampshire about 19-8 against a touring West Indies team. Back in the day, I knew how to show a girl a good time.

Anyway enough of a ramble through my sexually charged twenties, and more of an argument I tried to have with a man to whom the term “Rampant Profiteering” was entirely analogous to “Normal Business Practice”

Me: “Because I am merely a vassal for my children, can you please sort me out an aerial before social services find “In the Night Garden” has not been digitally available for 4 days

Him:”Certainly Sir, that’ll be£212 plus the VAT of course”

Me: “No sorry, you’ve misunderstood me, I merely require someone to climb a ladder, install a length of wet string and drill a single hole in a wall”

Him: “Ah, well sir if only it were that simple. There’s alignment, gain, positioning and configuration of the cosmic interface and that’s before we start on all that digital malarky”

Me: “See that ridge up there

Him “Yes”

Me: “See that huge bloody transmitter on top of it, which you must agree is quite significantly within line of sight as we can both see it

Him [testily] “Yes, of course

Me: “I can’t point my finger at that and receive Radio 3 in perfect stereo. The only alignment you could possibly need would be ‘Oi Bob, nudge it over a bit to the left.’ That can not possibly cost the thick end of£300″

Him: “Well it does

Me: “Well it bloody doesn’t”

Can’t be hard can it? Ladder, Aerial, Drill. Get them in the right order and it’s a ten minute job. Probably.

Since I’m at one with technical stuff, serious consideration is being given to dragging the hedgehog into prickling distance of the latest WordPress release. I am only six versions behind, have no backup other than the back of a few envelopes, and understand not a single instruction from the 47 point upgrade plan.

Assuming the disaster waits for me to happen upon it, there may be some unscheduled downtime. A month should cover it.

4 thoughts on “Going aerial

  1. dave

    i could say install it yourself, but i know your reputation. Also although i managed to install one at my house sans issue as it was pointing at one of the largest catchment arials. When i offered to do the same to the in-laws place, their middle-of-knowhere situation wasn’t quite as easy.

    I think the formual could be something like this.

    Al + ladders + powertools – skill – knowledge = bad combination

  2. Alex

    I resemble that remark 😉 I found a nice man who is going to climb, install, drill, nudge, laugh at my£25 emergency aerial that does about nothing and reconnect us to the world of TV. All for not very much money at all.

    As someone said to me yesterday “Remember Rod Hull”

    Although now kids have found iplayer and I have found we have a sat dish on the roof that is going to provide us with HD-TV. This seems to require a complexity of interconnection between incompatible devices that is likely to require some custom cable crafting.

    Hammer or Grinder? Tough call.

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