Do the Funky Chicken

Readers of a certain age will have just suffered an involuntary twitch on scanning the title. And I suggest you go with it; stand up, clear a space and DO THE FUNKY CHICKEN.

It is the defining icon of the pointless pop song. Beak and shoulders above such shady parodies trying way too hard with Polka Dot Bikinis and made up words. Agado for pity’s sake, it’s just not chicken is it?

And if anyone should question your sanity, tell them you’re under instruction from a man who thinks he is a hedgehog. The worse thing that can happen is a properly fun conversation with HR. And, at best, free therapy.

Having jumped through a complex serious of logistical hurdles – starting with me saying “Hey let’s get some Chickens eh Kids” and Carol saying “Wooah, no way” – we are now only a few hours away from chicken husbandry.

Normally, such an endeavor would be preceded by a detailed study of exactly how one keeps chickens, the construction of an appropriate poultry based dwelling, and the sealing off of a goodly portion of the garden for birds to roam, and predators not to eat them.

We’ve done none of that, because entire Leigh clan has been extremely busy on far more important chicken related activities. Specifically naming, and I initially set the bar high offering up “Sporty”, “Ginger”, “Posh” and “Scary”.

However my entreaty to complete the “Spice Birds” by simply augmenting our four with “Baby” was dismissed on the nebulous grounds of being extremely childish. I retaliated by exercising the power of veto on “Nugget”, “Drumstick” and “Chicken”*

Right then, anyone out there with chicken knowledge**, feel free to share it right here. Stuff like “what do they eat?”, “What eats them?”, “Does the previous answer include daft Labradors?” and “What the hell am I going to do with all those eggs?

Offers of names also gratefully excepted. In return, there is the open post of “Chief Builder with Responsibility for hurting anyone who uses ‘integrity’ and ‘building’ in the same sentence

* Even though she has just turned eight, Random is still only distantly connected to this thing we call the “Real World

** And I’m not interested in “Well, when I was pissed one night I got hold of this chicken and some whipped cream and….”

13 thoughts on “Do the Funky Chicken

  1. Tim

    Names you say… ‘and chips’, ‘tikka’, ‘tikka masala’, ‘in a basket’ and ‘Nobody calls me’?

    At least as suitable as any of the suggestions so far. πŸ˜‰

  2. Alex

    now LOL@Tim. You fellas are on fire this afternoon! I am very much taken with “Nobody calls me” πŸ™‚

    “I’ll take two of the ‘daccy’s’, one t-rex burger hold the swamp filling and can someone unclamp that velocaraptor from my car”

    World’s gone mad. I shall be lying down under my desk until the maniacal giggling stops.

  3. Alex

    Huey. Engineer by any chance? That’s the kind of thing I get at work, informative yet entirely useless πŸ˜‰

    Will – very nice, but not at the “recycling” end of the scale. We’ve hacked the legs off an old rabbit hutch, stuck it on some bricks and build a ramp. Sorted, those chickens are going to be “trailer trash” πŸ™‚

  4. Dave


    i’m glad you said about recycling the rabbit hutch! those igloos are perhaps preying on the recent boon of chicken holders (yourself excluded of course).

    you’ll need to put them away every night, and let them out every morning (foxes). Also keep their feed in a dry and secure shed otherwise you’ll attract rats. You can fee them pretty much anything (scraps), any veg, bread, and yes they will eat roast chicken! So no need to put that in the bin anymore. They need water changing fairly regularly and provide them with some shade for the hot summers we don’t get.

    They also prefer grass and will dig a dust bowl in it to scratch about in. Do move them every 2months as they’re really good at fertilising grass – but will scatch it up too.

    oh and did you get a cockrel? as they’re a good influence and tend to herd/protect the ladies and will also fertilise eggs if you do want to brood your own.

  5. Alex

    Thanks Dave. All useful stuff. I’ve been out to see them today and the seem as happy as a chicken in shit. Which they’ve been doing everywhere. One of them is a bit fat and very greedy so I’m thinking of her as “Scary”

    No way they are “eating their own”, that’s one step down from cannibalism. Strictly Veggie. No Cockerel because I still haven’t managed to shoot all the wood pidgins that wake me up. I don’t need an organic alarm clock, thanks.

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