Climate change is not the same as the weather outside.

So why is it every news anchor and his excitable producer keep trying to tell us that it is? This last week, a parade of heavyweight but interchangeable talking heads have attempted to construct a logical straight line between floods and global warming without passing through any points marked ˜proper science’, ˜historical precedent’ or even ˜common sense’.

These Serious Men In Wellies, as I’ve come to think of them, are summoning the same meteorological worthies who predicted the entire South East of England would be a Dustball by July of this year. This was, of course, before the rain started and the talk of water shortages stopped way back sometime in May.

But so desperate are the SMIW to create more doom from the gloom of waist deep flooding, they load the weather charlatans with explosive questions such as Well Global Warming is certainly a factor here, and it can only get worse wouldn’t you agree?

What follows is the doomsayer, at the dry end of the camera link, waffling total nonsense interjected with the odd nugget of useful information. It goes something like well actually the research suggests warmer and longer summers [ pause for dramatic effect ] but also for more rain as well. Huh?

That’s from the same box of wrongness that sunshine and showers came from and yet it doesn’t deter His Moistness The Smug from turning to camera “ with a sweeping arm to indicate inland sea where civilisation recently habituated “ and ending his report with a brief summary on how the world will end by about next Thursday.

Don’t get me wrong here – we’ve performed all sorts of selfish buggeration of the planet and it’s clear to anyone not President of the United States that climate change is pretty much unstoppable. But the media must stop binding every rain storm, strong wind or two unbroken days of sunshine into some kind of climatically catastrophic event.

If the Jet Stream wasn’t sat squarely above Bracknell and the Azores High could be arsed to play nicely on our Southern shores, we’d all be washing in each others wee and having the perfect excuse not to clean the car. So if the bloody BBC doesn’t stop treating me like an idiot, I shall be forced to unleash BOTH the Badger Berserkers AND the Ninja Voles. You want a catastrophic event “ then these highly trained military mammals are more than happy to oblige.

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