I’d be eternally* grateful if any of my long standing suffering readers could either:

a) Develop a Sun-O-Matic device by Saturday to be tested on the area of Shepton Mallet, or more specifically over a middle-aged, balding man being drowned in a hail of trout. If that’s too big an ask, send umbrellas, or an amphibious vehicle.

b) Donate anything you can to my Justgving page

If I can get it up to£500, then the firm will match it, and that’s another£500 to this fantastic charity.

I’m scared by the way. I was feeling quite fit riding home last night. This is sure to be a trigger for a leg falling off or my bike exploding or some such. The dog ate my helmet** last night, so I suppose that’s the start of the comedic trip of mechanical misery which must surely follow.

* well not quite. But until next week.

** Steady. It’s before the watershed.