Since I’ve been reduced to quoting rubbish formulaic TV based nonsense, here’s another: Life Laundryï¿½?. That phrase pretty well encompasses the transformation of my old office to the kids playroom, except with far more angst and less floppy hair.
My approach to room clearing follows a basic principle that if an object “ whatever it’s value “ hasn’t been used for a period of twelve months or more, it becomes charity or skip food; no arguments. This clashes somewhat with my wife’s alternate hypothesis that at some undefined point in the future, this pointless trinket may well hold the key to world peace. Kleptomania is a harmless enough hobby I suppose (hello Pot, Kettle calling) but it feels like we’re preparing for a nuclear winter. We’re barely staying afloat in a sea of the unnecessary and the more useless and cluttering the item, the more we argue over its’ efficacy.
Here’s a sample conversation to illustrate the point:
Me: We already own four phone charges and this one waves dismissively at electrical ner’do’well doesn’t even fit anything we still ownï¿½?
Her: We can Ebay it thenï¿½?
Me: On the surface, that’s a rational argument but you and I both know that it will still be here in a years time, secreted away in a forgotten corner waiting for me to tread on it, because something more important got in the way of selling it. Like anythingï¿½? And breathe.
Her ï¿½?Well if you think that, you can sell it yourselfï¿½?
Me: I don’t want to do it remember? I’m all for skipping it, that’s its’ natural habitat now, let’s put it out of its’ misery. At no point is keeping it my problemï¿½?
Her: But it still works, it’d be a waste to just chuck it awayï¿½?
Me: Throws hand theatrically in the air and sighs heavily Fine! Whatever! But if it’s still here in a month, then you have to eat itï¿½? Crosses arms, Mexican Stand off
Thankfully we have ACAS personified in that much maligned room; the loft. Should there ever be a world shortage of useless shit we’ll be in the money but I fear for the roof.
Still, after this small fracas lasting a only couple of days, it’s worth noting that the kids love their new playroom almost as much as I love my new office “ the reason is similar; none of us have to tidy our room up and we get to keep important stuff out of sight of the hoover. That’s not the same as the kleptomania described above in case you were in any way confused.
We’re reacquainted ourselves with much of the house previously buried under Doll’s Houses, Decapitated Barbies and randomly stuck stickers. At one point I discovered something that may have once been a carbon based lifeform but was now essentially coal. I wonder if we’re missing a cat?
The much ignored fact that they kids want the playroom painted in a contemporary style known as beery vomitï¿½? is really a small price to pay to getting a bit of our life back.
See what I did there?