Breaking technology news…

… Microsoft have a secret agreement with Logitech. It’s beyond cunning this one as those spotty little coders in Seattle have made the latest version of Excel so insanely non intuitive, there is only a single cause of action left open to the vein throbbing user.

And that’s to smash a fist into the keyboard while screaming “ALL I WANT TO DO IS CHANGE THAT TITLE” “THAT ONE THERE” “ON THE GRAPH” “IF I’D WANTED TO ROTATE THE WHOLE FUCKING CABOODLE 90 DEGREES AND INSERT A PIVOT TABLE, I’M SURE I WOULD HAVE MENTIONED IT

Smug little buggers as they are, marketing droids at Microsoft proclaim Office 2007 is a simple, and almost flat, learning curve from the entirely useful 2003. No it bloody isn’t, it’s like pushing peas up a cliff face with your nose while some kind of bipolar lunatic offers helpful little snippets such as “Would you like to embolden that title?” and “If you’re still stuck*, you can contact our help forums”

No, I’d rather smash up my keyboard if it’s all the same to you. I liked the old version of Excel. It just worked. It didn’t suddenly offer up a whole range of hieroglyphics every time you moved the cursor. You put numbers in and it added them up. Why did they try and improve it? We’ve all been bloody hoodwinked haven’t we?

I’m going back to an abacus, some rocks and the barter system

* You loser

5 thoughts on “Breaking technology news…

  1. nickc

    When I first got Excel 2007, i spent what seemed like most of the morning trying to find the print Icon. Why have that wanky Microshaft logo thingy? I want it on the tool-bar where it’s been sitting happily for the last 20 years…..F**kers

  2. Alex

    Ah the “Orb”. Such a small thing to make you so very, very angry. This morning I am attempting a very simple presentation in Powerpoint of the 2007 vintage.

    It’s not going well, and I’m out of spare keyboards.

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