I’m really really sorry about this but I promised someone – while pissed obviously – that The Boss’s signature tune could easily be amusingly modified to include a homage to bathroom sealants. A man of my word, if still an idiot, wierd ‘Al Leigh presents:

Born To Grout

In the day we sweat it trying to get everything cleaned
At night we read Ikea catalogues and wallpapering machines

Sprung from cases bought on channel 9,
Chrome covered, tastefully embossed to sand mdf and pine
Baby this sander rips the skin from your back
It’s a death trap, it’s a pile of crap
We’ve run out of bolts, we’ve gotta get out
`cause tramps like us, baby we were born to grout

Wifey let me in i wanna be your friend
I want to guard your dreams of kitchens
Just wrap your legs round this bathing pool
And strap your hands across my power tools
Together we could break this tap
We’ll grout till we drop, baby we’ll never go back

Will you paint with me out by the fire
`cause baby i’m just a scarred and lonely grouter
But i gotta find out how it feels
I want to know if grouting is just tiles, girl i want to know if grout will peel

Beyond the diy store, battery powered drills scream down the back yard
The girls comb paint from their hair in rearview mirrors
And the boys tried to look so bored
The shower cubicle rises bold and stark
The kids are huddled on the beachtowel in a mist
I wanna grout with you wifey on the tiles tonight
In DIY everlasting bliss

The sanders jammed with broken blades on a last disk power drive
Everybody’s out on the piss tonight but there’s no place left to hide
Together wifey we’ll live with the DIY madness
I’ll grout with you while there’s a annoying hole

Someday girl i don’t know when we’re gonna get this place
fully stripped back, painted new colours and all for next to nowt
But till then tramps like us baby we were born to grout

I’m so so sorry. The original can be found here: