Arthur Knee.

Disembowelment attachment.

I find misery can sometimes be partially assuaged by having a good laugh at the misfortune of others.

You know the kind of thing; the face of some poor sop you’ve never met trapped in a ten mile traffic jam on the opposite carriageway, the look of a self-important corporate clone at the exact second his frothy skinny latte-hold the cheese explodes all over his designer suit, a good mate falling off and giving himself a nasty bruise. Possibly in the testicles.

I believe the Germans call it schadenfraude. Apparently there is no direct translation into English. But there is a facial expression, and that is the smirk.

That was me, smirking, at this courageous positioning of those bar ends. Really couldn’t be better placed to disembowel oneself during an accident. It’d be a bugger really having survived a head on with a car, only to find your kidneys impaled on spiky bar accoutrements.

Unless you were watching. In which case, smirk. And the way things have been going this week, I’m in need of a damn good smirking.

My miracle-working physio explained that melonknee(tm) was a bit out of whack. Ligaments that should hold the joint appear to have wandered off the another part of the body, and if skilled prodding doesn’t sort it next up is a man with an MRI machine and possibly a small drill.

This is not good news. It reminded me of an old climbing mate originally introduced as “Arthur Nerd“. This was, “God’s Honest Truth Mister“, because he was not a total nerd. Just the half. My knee is like that, it sort of works in the middle of a perambulating arc, but is entirely uninterested in moving to the margins.

And the half that does work wants my pain centres to know that it’s not mad happy about it. Hence my grumpiness. In fact even the joy of watching two elderly members of the Ledbury tandem club dismount in a manner most likely to break a hip couldn’t cheer me up.

I bought a new bike instead. It might come tomorrow. Mrs Phys tells me I can ride if I’m careful and “Don’t push hard up the hills and try and put all your power down“. I’ve been able to set her mind at rest on that one, I can assure you.

Anyway if they do need to pop the sunroof off my kneecap, I’ll be sure that nothing gets sown back up without a bit of Ti or Carbon being installed first.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.